The Ukrainian dating dilemma: to pay or not to pay for women from Ukraine?
Every Western man who looks for a wife from Ukraine has heard of this intercultural difference, namely: Ukrainian women expect that Western men pay everywhere and for everything. From time to time, I get messages from my readers who ask me why Ukrainian women always expect to be invited by men. The answer is this is the special character feature of our culture and mentality.
It is not a serious problem for some men; however, there is a number of Western men who do not know how to deal with this problem and they just feel used. Of course, I can understand these feelings of Western men because I’m familiar with the Western culture. The dating and relationship process runs very differently here than in Ukraine. And that’s normal because we have very different cultures.
The problem is that Western men who look for a Russian or/and Ukrainian woman for marriage learn too little about the culture, traditions as well as history of the home country of their future wife; therefore, they have some difficulties to understand what exactly Ukrainian women expect from them.
On the other hand, Ukrainian women often mistakenly assume that Western men are similar to their Ukrainian and Russian partners and expect the same things from Western men, which Ukrainian men give them in the relationship.
Here are the two basic and most important Ukrainian dating rules that every Western man has to know:
1) Ukrainian women are VERY DIFFERENT from Western Ladies:
Western women are very different from us when it comes to their dating behavior, namely: they prefer to pay themselves while dating men. American, English or German women are more independent and emancipated than Russian and Ukrainian women. For example, this is very common in Germany that women and men pay separately at restaurants, cinemas or cafes.
Honestly, this intercultural difference was a shock for me when I came to Germany nine years ago. Meanwhile, going Dutch became normal for me but I am not a fan of this type of thing. As for me, the variety in the ways of paying is more pleasant than going Dutch. If I see that my man is ready to pay for me and wants to share with me what he has, it makes me happy and, of course, I want to share my finances with him in this case, too. What I want to say is that we can take turns to pay for things and it doesn’t have to be only him or me, who pays.
2) Ukrainian society is VERY TRADITIONAL:
The Ukrainian and Russian people still live in a traditional society, namely: the man is supposed to be the head of the family and he is the breadwinner. The woman’s role is being a good and caring wife, the mother and keeper of the family hearth.
Therefore, children in Ukraine and Russia are (still) brought up traditionally, too. Ukrainian girls learn from their mothers that men pay for them. On the other hand, they learn also that the family (their husbands and children) is the most important thing in life.
Ukrainian women think men should always pay for them, yes, they take it for granted. Sometimes, women do not say “thank you” to the man because they think the man pays anyways. That can hurt men because they think women are only after their money, which is not always true.
My tips how to deal with this Ukrainian dating issue:
1) Learn more about the Ukrainian culture, family values and female and male roles in dating and relationships
2) This issue is very delicate. You should talk with the woman about this issue carefully and compare together the differences of Ukrainian and Western dating behavior.
3) If you want to find and date a Ukrainian woman you should be ready to pay for everything (or at least in the beginning while dating). It is a part of our mentality and women want to feel like princesses while being invited by a man. However, I have to say that the Ukrainian society has changed a little bit in the recent years and women have become more independent and emancipated. Going Dutch becomes common for Ukrainian ladies (but very slowly) and they adjust to the new rules of the dating game.
Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)