Question about Ukrainian-Western intercultural differences: Kisses & Hugs
Last month (April) I made a trip to Ukraine (Lugansk). I met a lovely lad there and we went out on three dates. On my last evening in Lugansk, I was saying goodbye to this lady (who told me that she wanted me to return as soon as I can), she kissed me on my cheeks. But when I went to kiss her on her lips she said no. I asked why, and she said she had just met me, and she was a good Armenian girl.
We have been corresponding by email. I have asked her a couple times about her “rules” on kissing. Maybe she didn’t quite understand my question, but here was her reply…
Привет мой сладкий Волтер Спасибо за письмо
Теперь я понимаю что ты мне хотел сказать Я по натуре очень сдержанно я имею ввиду на людях А в жизни я предпочитаю романтику Я люблю поцелуи и я считаю это прекрасно когда люди живут в браке и у них есть поцелуи и близость
Hello my sweet Walter!
Thank you for your letter.
Now I understand what you want to say me. I’m very shy and reserved by nature, I mean in public. But in my life I love romance. I love kissing and I think it’s fine when people are married and they have kisses and intimacy.)
It sounds to me like she would only kiss me if we were married. This sounds unusual to me. I am concerned that she is wanting to avoid getting emotionally close to me. Should I be concerned, or is her behavior not that unusual?
I’ll do my best to help you and explain our Ukrainian culture and menthality.
As you know, Ukrainian / Russian culture differs from Western culture. Thus, the Ukrainian and Russian woman’s attitude towards sex, hugs and kisses differs from the Western woman’s attitude.
You should know that our culture is rather conservative (the women are shy and do not kiss at the first date usually). Many readers write me that Ukrainian and Russian ladies are very shy, cannot or do not want to hug or kiss Western men, and it is really difficult sometimes to find out whether the woman is into you or not.
That makes the cross-cultural communication more complicated, in my opinion. Many women in Ukraine are waging a silent war for their own sexuality. In Literature, they are taught that they are to not even engage in a kiss without love being a priority. This makes the woman unable to explore her own sexual thoughts and attitudes to form a healthy sex life for her future husband. Even into dating and marriage, sex is a subject that is avoided at all costs. Those females who do engage in sexual intercourse before marriage try to keep it a secret for fear of rejection by society.
Moreover, your girl is from Armenia, that means that she is brought up very traditionally. She would never kiss a man at the first meeting or if she is not sure that you are her Mr. Right. She writes to you honestly that she is a shy woman and does not show emotions and passion in public. I see that positively. As for me, this is better than if the woman is ready to kiss every man in the first meeting. I have the same opinion and would never kiss the man in the lips if I have no relationship with him. But if you are in a relationshop with such a woman like this girl, she will be loyal to you and shows her passion.
I do not think that she wanted to tell you she would only kiss you if you were married. As for me, she has really very serious intnentions to find a match and kissing means a lot for her. She likes hugs and kisses but only in a relationship and marriage.
She wants to get to know you better in order to develop your communication. She writes in her mail that she love romantic moments in a relationship but before you enjoy these moments you need to get known you better. Her behaviour is not unsual for Ukrainian women (rather FSU women). This behaviour is about the specific features of our culture. Be patient and try to learn more about Ukrainian and Russian culture. This helps you to understand us Ukrainian women better! 🙂
Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)