How to know if your woman from Ukraine is real or not?
I stumbled across your blog and saw that you were willing to answer questions and was wondering if you might be able to give me some advice?
I guess I should give you a little background, I posted on some online dating sites here in the U.S. a few years ago. In the process of doing so I got an invite to sign up for one of the Ukraine dating sites, so I thought why not. I started to get a lot of responses right away from very young and beautiful women, which I must say was very nice! I mean what guy wouldn’t like that, but I also didn’t have any high expectations.
I mean I live on the other side of the world and how could such a young and beautiful girl not have a boyfriend there. I thought well still it would be fascinating and very interesting to have friends in another country and be able to talk with them. Each time I let them know how old I was, which almost always they said age didn’t matter to them and we wold talk and exchange letters, Some would ask for my picture and some to do live chat, there were a few that would ask for money or gifts, but for the most part most would just exchange letters and ask for an occasional picture.
I have responded and written to a few different girls, the dating sites can be expensive so not being wealthy I have to be kind of selective in who and how many I write to, so I can’t respond to all. Most the girls a very nice and very intelligent and I really liked their attitudes towards life and family. Some I found things in common with and some I didn’t, but I did not find that connection where I though this is the girl for me…until a year ago. 🙂 I met a girl that wrote me and she is now 22 and I am 40. I thought there was no way she could like me but again she said the age difference did not matter to her and we started writing.
When she first started sharing her views with me I was so shocked that I went back and reread the previous letters to see if she was just agreeing with me on different views, because she shared the exact same feelings I have on most everything, Then I realized that she was the one bringing these things up. I must say it was incredible writing to someone I have never met or discussed things with that seemed to know me so well, because she looked at things the same way. Well we have written back and forth for just over a year. As you can probably guess I have gotten to like this girl so much that I have started to save to visit her because I would really like to meet her and find out if we are as compatible in person.
In my search for information about where to stay and flights and everything I ran across several sites saying how it’s a scam and yes the dating site I met her on I have found both positive and negative comments on and yes it is the same one you wrote about in your blog.
My question for you is, how do I know? I don’t believe it’s a scam and I understand I could go there and she may decide I am not the guy she thought after she meets me in person, which though I would be disappointing i could live with that, but with all the talk of all the scams, it does make one wonder how do you know? It’s a huge cost to fly over seas to meet someone who has no interest in you, but well worth it if she does, so is there a way to tell or find out if she is really interested, before going over there?
Any advice you can give me would be appreciated? 🙂
I understand you very well why you are afraid of getting scammed. Russian Brides expert Elena Petrova points out:
99% of correspondence from Russian women men receive through Internet dating sites is actually from scammers – fake identities created by computer criminals with the pure goal of extracting money from gullible victims. The prevalent scheme is to request money for airplane tickets to be sent by Western Union to a receiver in Russia.
From your words, I cannot find any signs of scam. You gave a general view of your communication and I can see that you understand each other excellent and it is really great that you look at things the same way. But, surely, I would try to answer your questions and hope to help you with my advice.
To your question: how can you know that your woman is real or not?
You should know that most professional pro-daters and scammers you met on the internet ask you for money. The reasons for that are the same nearly every time:
- She needs a visa, passport and flight ticket to visit you, the man she fell in love with!
- She or someone out of her family got debts … whatever kind!
- Someone in the family became incredibly ill and you are the only one who can help right now!
- The family is generally indigent and she is very happy she finally met the only man who is able to save the life of all family members!
- She wants to learn English, but simply got no money. A pity because her English is so rudimentary she can´t communicate with the man she fell in love with appropriately!
So if your woman you have never met in person begins to ask you for money, it is a read flag and you should be careful with her. If your woman shows a real interest to get known you better without asking for financial support, it is a good sign.
You can find out if your woman is real or not, if you ask her for private contact information, such as phone numbers, email address or Facebook profile. Using Skype is also a very good way to verify identify. Fake pictures are common among dating site and mail order bride sites, but a live video chat is very hard to fake. Another step is to ask for more private photos. Asking for something specific to be in the photo is also a good way to prove the woman is real and legit. Asking the woman to hold a newspaper with the date on it or a piece of paper with a personalized message on it is an excellent way to verify identity.
If the woman says that she can communicate with you only via paid dating site chat, it is another red flag. It is said that some girls are paid by dating sites for chatting with men so that male customers buy more and more credits for communication with the girl (I have heard some girls get commission from credits purchased by Western men). So my advice is that get quickly off the dating site and use private ways of communication.
My another advice is that you register on VK.com, the biggest social network in Russia, and try to make contact with the woman through this social network. I am sure that if the woman takes the initiative to communicate with you only through online dating sites (e.g. via paid messages or chat), it should be in any way considered as a red flag. From my dating experience, I can mention that Ukrainian and Russian women who have really serious intentions to find their love abroad wish to have more PERSONAL contact and are ready to communicate via Skype or ISQ or SMS.
May I ask you what a dating site have you used?
Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)