Krystyna’s thoughts on a little Ukrainian dating predicament…

Hi Krystyna,

I am from South Africa, 35 years old and have been in contact with the most fascinating and beautiful Ukrainian lady, 22 years old for the past year and a half. Things have been going slowly, but well between me and her, which i think is good. We exchange letters at least every 2 – 3 weeks, sometimes more frequently. We have both agreed about 5 months ago that it is time to meet, and that she will be very glad if i visit the Ukraine to meet her in person.

Firstly, i have made plans 3 times already to go there, but every time i run into some kind of trouble to go visit her. I own several businesses that i manage on my own, so i am quite a busy person and i work very long hours to get it right. The last time i planned on visiting her was about 3 weeks ago, then 4 days before i was supposed to depart, i had serious staff problems at one of my businesses and i had no choice but to cancel the trip again.

It feels like we are drifting apart because of what happened in the past. She is really eager to meet me and me the same. Would it be rude or wrong from me to ask her if she wanted to visit me instead, off course i will pay for all her expenses, or do you think i should rather just visit her in the Ukraine instead. I thought of inviting her to South Africa for December, and then maybe from here we could visit New Zealand for a week or two.

Secondly, she suggested that when i visit the Ukraine i shouldn’t stay in a hotel, but rather in a flat, so she can visit me more frequently. She says the reason for that is that single ladies that visit foreign guys in hotels get a bad reputation in the Ukraine. Is that true? Is it save to stay in a flat? ( she said one of her friends owns a flat nearby that i could rent.)  She has never asked me for anything like money, gifts and so on and i have never send her anything either.

I really like this lady and from my side i think we could have a future together, but i am very cautious and don’t want to be scammed. I would appreciate your advice on these matters. She is very important to me and I do not want to lose her as a friend/girlfriend/future wife.

Kind regards,

Etienne

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Krystyna answers:

Krystyna

Krystyna

Hello Etienne,

Meeting a Ukrainian woman for the first time in Ukraine is not an obligatory rule. E.g., you can go on vacation together or a woman may go to your home country. Nevertheless, I consider the meeting in Ukraine is the smartest solution for both persons.

As you know, Ukrainian citizens need a visa to travel abroad. Therefore, many women from Ukraine are not sure and ask foreign men to come to Ukraine for the first meeting in person. If you are ready to support your lady, you can do it. Do not forget to collect information about visa to South Africa. I am sure your lovely lady will enjoy her trip to this wonderful country! 🙂

Secondly, she suggested that when i visit the Ukraine i shouldn’t stay in a hotel, but rather in a flat, so she can visit me more frequently. She says the reason for that is that single ladies that visit foreign guys in hotels get a bad reputation in the Ukraine. Is that true? Is it save to stay in a flat? ( she said one of her friends owns a flat nearby that i could rent.)  She has never asked me for anything like money, gifts and so on and i have never send her anything either.

I really like this lady and from my side i think we could have a future together, but i am very cautious and don’t want to be scammed. I would appreciate your advice on these matters.

Here I would like to say you some words. When a man begins to communicate with a Russian or Ukrainian woman it is often difficult to know if the woman is real, or a fake identity used by the dating site. In my opinion, too often the fear of a scam involving the theft of money from a man stops communication in what could be the beginning of a real, lasting relationship. Surely, it is important to be cautious and follow some rules of the International online dating, but don’t be too cautious!

A Russian dating blogger Eve writes in her article “The Principles of Online Dating: How to Recognize a Scammer“:

As an example, one frequently seen in the Internet kind of men I would name “overcautious.” Seeking a foreign wife, some men fear being “scammed” or deceived. They are not sure in anything and do not trust anyone. “Overcautious” men imagine their money and personal security are in danger. They are so concerned about being scammed that they are unwilling to pay the cost of the ticket. Too often, the men visit dating websites, write letters to women, but break the conversation too soon. Each word in a woman’s answer is read with scrupulous cautiousness. If these men find words like “money,” “wish to see America,” she “cannot afford something,” the men automatically label her as a “scammer.”

Source: http://www.russianwomenmagazine.com/dating/scam.htm

There are surely some red flags of scam:

  1. Examining the letters, emails and photo’s sent by a woman from a Ukrainian/Russian dating site can give a clear indication of whether the woman is genuine.
  2. Some, unscrupulous websites pay women to message or videochat with the men who are the subjects of fraudulent activity.
  3. Asking a woman from a dating site if they will use a commercial videochat service can often tell the man if the woman is genuine; if they claim not to know how to use the videochat and push the use of a dating site chat the chances are the woman is not genuine.
  4. It is also a good idea to examine all communications for generic text that could apply to anybody.
  5. Other red flags that signify a scam are requests for money from the woman and include the sudden improvement in English language use when money is mentioned.

Being aware of scams can ensure a man is protected from losing money and confidence in finding a lasting relationship. As I understand from your message, the woman hasn’t given you any reason to doubt her sincerity. But do not overdo and have trust to the woman!


krystyna

krystyna

Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)

Love,

Krystyna

Ukrainian Dating Blog

Krystyna

Krystyna

Krystyna is a Russian and Ukrainian dating blogger and Youtube video coach. On Ukrainian dating blog, you find more than 500 articles on dating Russian and Ukrainian ladies. Enjoy!

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2 Responses

  1. Adam Black says:

    From my experience Krystyna, this ‘Red Flags’ list is a very good way of determining if the woman you are corresponding with is genuine or not (real or not). But I think I could add something to this list…

    6. Even most of the genuine girls/woman on this websites have not made a carefully thought-out and deliberate decision to find a foreign man and leave everything and everyone they love to go and live with him in some far away foreign land. Most of them join these sites out of either some knee-jerk over-reaction to their own personal experiences with Ukrainian men. Secondly; this is online dating, people all over the world join online dating site at a whims notice. It is just online entertainment with a ‘we will see attitude’.

    Are you men sure you want to waste all that time, energy, money, effort and most importantly ‘heart’ on such a capricious and naive decision? Remember Ukrainian woman are super-famine and keeping this in mind, this means they have all the traits of famine woman, BOTH GOOD AND BAD… and is not capricious behavior the God even right all women? As the famous adage states… “it is a women’s prerogative to change her mind” (now multiple this reality by a factor of 10x when you are talking specifically about Ukrainian women. Russian woman are not so extreme).

    7. It is all fine and dandy to think that you will ask your lady for proof that she is real. Yet at this very point, it does not matter if she is genuine or not; she will see that you do not trust her and she will then start to not trust you. The scamming system relies on this difficult question NOT being asked.

    And if you ask of a scammer, then they have all sorts to emotional blackmail things they can say about it… “you do not trust me?” is the #1 (and how can you defend your position when it is true). The reality is… if you are real scared of being scammed, then find some other way to find your Soul Mate. Because this process will not help your paranoia… but actually feed it.

  2. Adam Black says:

    Ohhh and I have just remembered another very important thing you can look for to help you determine if you are talking to a real woman or a scammer (a ‘Money Girl). If you look at the bottom left corner of this website you will see the listing ‘Ukraine Dating Sites Review’

    I wrote my first comment here Post Author November 14, 2013 at 2:39 pm so read this first to understand the full meaning of this particular blog entry. Now the most important thing you need to understand… The difference between… ‘The Websites’ and ‘The Agencies’ (they are often separate businesses with their own separate owners and personal agendas). ‘The Websites’ are just the portals where any agency can post their girls/woman on to help promote them to find love.

    8: Taking this into account, if you want correspond with a woman and you are concerned about whether she genuine or not; check other websites and see if you can find her profile on them. If you can then there is better chance you are talking to a genuine girl/woman.

    Because if she is working as a ‘Money Girl’ for an agency or one of the websites (to generate cash flow) then she would only be registered on one (1) site then it might because it is the site she is working for. But be careful as there is some genuine and honest website (UAdreams as an example) that requires exclusivity with their women clients. Do your homework; trust me it will save you a lot of wasted time, energy, money, effort and most importantly ‘heart’

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