Am I being scammed or is it good enough to be true?
how are you doing?
My name is Nir. I’m 30 years old from Israel. I read all your blogs (haven’t miss one) and saw all your videos in only 2 days. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us. You deserves a medal.
Given your experience, I’ll truly appreciate your advice. First, I’ll give you short background about myself:
In Israel about 25% of the population is either Russian or Ukrainian (2 Million out of 8). So Russian language and culture is well known here. I had 2 excellent relationships with Ukrainian-Israeli ex-girlfriends and from that point I “decided” I want the next one to be Ukrainian as well. The problem is that in Israel, the demand for Russian/Ukrainian women is pretty high and there are already more men than women in Israel (contrary to Ukraine). So 2 weeks ago I opened a profile in free dating site and started to look for Ukrainian girls.
I started to talk with a girl named Polina which I’ve contacted her. She is very beautiful women. After small conversion I asked if she has Facebook or any other platform to contact her. She gave me her mail and we started to mail each other on a daily basis, for a week already.
I sent her my pictures and she really liked them. She said I’m a very handsome man and it seems she is really interested in me. After 12 mails (6 from each side) she already agreed to come visit me in Israel. Honestly, it wasn’t a rare occasion for me that gorgeous women are interested in me. It happened to me sometimes in Israel, including my ex-girlfriends. However… I’m also aware that these sites are full of scams and pro-daters and it still seems too good to be true.
So I did my research, including your blog, and I tried to figure out of it’s a scam or not. I tried to use my common sense and I still didn’t succeed to get a clear answer:
On one hand, she looks very gorgeous and some of her pictures are taken from a modeling book after being photoshoped. It doesn’t make logic as she makes an impression of a poor girl, which might suggest this is a scam.
- On the other hand, she also sent me “home pictures” in a less complementing light, including a picture with her mother.
- On one hand, after 6 mails she already said she is thinking about me during the day and that she wants to visit me in Israel. Too early isn’t it?
- On the other hand, I think about her too. So it should make sense.
- On one hand, in almost every mail she expresses her need for love and special man, which raised suspicions. Why do you need to mention this fact in every mail?
- On the other hand, her character & language are very consistent in the mails and shows very sensitive and romantic person. She told me very beautiful things that only a very sensitive woman could think about.
After reading her mails again 2-3 times, I got into conclusion that if it is a scam, it is a very sophisticated one, and its done only by a professional “actor”. I’m sure that if it is a scam, at least 90%+ of men will fall into it.
I don’t want to fall into a scam. Not because of the money (I will never send money to a stranger) but because of the disappointed it might cause me. On the other hand, I don’t want to be paranoid, as you said it yourself – some Ukrainian women truly look for western man.
This issue bothers me a lot and I will appreciate your help on us.
Is there any chance I can send you what she wrote so you can tell your opinion? I’m sure you can look on her writing in more experienced eyes. In return, I promise that after I’ll know certain answer (scam or true story) I will post an interesting guest post in your blog.
If it’s a scam – everyone should know that there are very sophisticated ones out there. And if it’s not a scam – then everyone should know that there is hope in these free dating sites.
Anyway, I hope you’ll help me out here.
Waiting for your answers and thank you for your time,
thank you a lot for your great words and message as whole. I know some people from Israel and everyone says me that it is a beautiful country. I will make any effort to help you and make your situation more clear.
A great plus is that you have used a free dating site. That means that the staff of the site is not able to scam you and your woman is most likely real and not fake. It is a good news, isn’t it? 🙂 The next step…. if your woman is a scammer or not. Honestly, it is difficult to find out. You can send me the url of her profile on the dating site and I would check it. Let’s analize your information:
On one hand, she look very gorgeous and some of her pictures are taken from a modeling book after being photoshoped. It doesn’t make logic as she makes an impression of a poor girl, which might suggest this is a scam.
In my view, I cannot say you that here I can see a red sign. It could mean that your girl tries to build a model career and has some professional pictures. It is not bad. Or she could take some professional pictures on a TFP base (time for print, that means you must not pay for pictures, you invest only your time). When I was 24 years old, I worked as a photo model 1 year and so I was able to finance my studies.
On the other hand, she also sent me “home pictures” in a less complementing light, Including a picture with her mother.
Does she look beautiful on her home pictures? If yes, she is really a nice girl in everyday life. No red sign here.
On one hand, after 6 mails she already said she is thinking about me during the day and that she wants to visit me in Israel. Too early isn’t it? On the other hand, I think about her too. So it should make sense.
I do not know your mail communication. But I can believe that your mails may be pretty romantic and interesting, so she may think about you during the day. You are doing the same thing.
On one hand, in almost every mail she express her need for love and special man, which raised suspicions. Why do you need to mention this fact in every mail?
How old is your woman? If she is about 30 and still a single, it can be true that she is really desperate about finding a man for marriage. You should know that the society in Ukraine is quite traditional. All “normal” women should marry before 30 years. Otherwise, all the friends and relatives will call her a spinster. So I can understand why the woman has such a big need to find a man for marriage. My friend from Kiev who is 32 y.o. is going crazy because she is still a single. I think the first man who will find her interesting must get married to her. 🙂
On the other hand, her character & language are very consistent in the mails and shows very sensitive and romantic person. She told me very beautiful things that only a very sensitive woman could think about.
No red sign in your words here.
After reading her mails again 2-3 times, I got into conclusion that if it is a scam, it is a very sophisticated one, and its done only by a professional “actor”. I’m sure that if it is a scam, at least 90%+ of men will fall into it. I don’t want to fall into a scam. Not because of the money (I will never send money to a stranger) but because of the disappointed it might cause me. On the other hand, I don’t want to be paranoid, as you said it yourself – some Ukrainian women truly look for western man.
I have experienced many times already that in most cases men become extremely cautious when they use an International dating website and often wish to believe a woman is genuinely interested in them. In my opinion, too often the fear of a scam stops communication in what could be the beginning of a real, lasting relationship.
A Russian dating blogger Eve writes in her article “The Principles of Online Dating: How to Recognize a Scammer“:
As an example, one frequently seen in the Internet kind of men I would name “overcautious.” Seeking a foreign wife, some men fear being “scammed” or deceived. They are not sure in anything and do not trust anyone. “Overcautious” men imagine their money and personal security are in danger. They are so concerned about being scammed that they are unwilling to pay the cost of the ticket. Too often, the men visit dating websites, write letters to women, but break the conversation too soon.
Each word in a woman’s answer is read with scrupulous cautiousness. If these men find words like “money,” “wish to see America,” she “cannot afford something,” the men automatically label her as a “scammer.”As a result of the rising interest in online dating, the Internet now overflows with websites featuring Russian women who are looking for long-term relationships. Owners of the agencies and managers of the websites describe the women as idealistic wives and women with very modest requirements. The popularity of wives from Russia peaked in nineties, but the interest in Internet dating has been slowing down. People found out that Internet conversation is not a panacea for loneliness.
Meeting and exchanging letters with somebody in chat rooms creates many mistakes, misunderstandings, and faults. When the number of men disappointed with online dating increased, the Internet provided them with an opportunity to blacklist Russian women. Black lists warn men to do nothing before their agents check a women’s background, for a fee, of course. Many of the black lists are website pages that increase their earnings. International marriage brokers lose money on dating pages, but make money blacklisting other women. The blacklists are also scam.
From my side, I would say that nothing venture, nothing have or nothing great is easy. Or who dares, wins. In Russian, who does not risk, does not drink champaign. I just wanna say you that you can fail also in offline dating and any woman can disappoint you. Relationship and marriage with a Ukrainian or Russian woman do not guarantee you a happy end. Any relationship can fail, no matter where you meet your woman and where she comes from. Thus, if you like this woman and she gives you no signs of scamming, give you and her a chance and just develop your communication. Everything what you describe in your letter seems to be ok. I see here no red signs.Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)