Mail order brides work out depending on expectations
A recent Reddit string included a long discussion of mail order brides (to be honestly, I do not like this definition of foreign brides at all. Why? Read my article for explanation: Ukraine mail order brides vs Ukrainian women). Apparently this happens a lot as there were hundreds of stories about people and their experiences with mail order brides. Some went well and some did not. The common denominator seems to be the expectation of the person doing the ordering.
Obviously someone agreeing to move to another country and marry a stranger is not doing so out of love. They are trying to escape their current life and looking for a better life. It is a business transaction. People who understood that, and had the same attitude, seemed happier with their mail order bride. Those that expected the woman to love them in the classic romantic sense were disappointed.
There are a lot of reasons a person might want to get a mail order bride. One man was gay and had a live in gay lover, but did not want to tell his family. He got a mail order bride who helped him keep the appearance of a heterosexual relationship for his family.
That seemed to work out well as both saw it as a business arrangement and both got what they expected. Another story posted involved an older man who would get one every few years. He said he wanted to help the women find a new life, and of course he benefited from each relationship, having sex and someone to prepare his food and keep his house. That also seemed to work out well because they both were on the same page.
The down side seems to be when men expect a real romance from the mail order bride. That is pretty hard since they don’t even know each other. Perhaps in time they could develop that relationship, but some get impatient when it doesn’t happen. This is perhaps because the men ordering the brides have unrealistic expectations, or don’t realize the motivation of the woman who is coming to be his mail order wife.
There are also scams that have been reported. One is to get the guy to spend a lot of money and the woman never shows up. That one does not often work and when it does, guys are often to embarrassed to talk about it. Another scam reported was when women got men to buy property in the woman’s native country and put the property in her name because foreigners are not allowed to own land. After awhile she leaves the man and returns to her own country as a wealthy land owner. Another scam is when the mail order bride already has a family in her home country and sends money back to her family – her husband no less – in her home country.
Another side effect is social perception. Sometimes a man will have a wife who is Asian, for example, but she was perhaps born in the United States. People may assume she is a mail order bride when that is not the case. This has been reported at times and is an aggravation to the people involved.
In some cases men may just be awkward and have no luck finding a bride in the traditional way. They may even be nice enough otherwise. At the same time there are women in third world countries who want a better life.
In some cases they do get together and they have similar expectations, and it works out pretty well:
Story 1: A marriage with a Russian woman:
Story 2: A marriage with a woman from the Philippines:
It seems from the Reddit posts that the expectation of the male ordering the bride makes a huge difference as to whether it works out or not.
I wish you a lot of luck in Ukrainian dating adventure!Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)