Just again: Questions on marriage agencies & dating culture in Ukraine
I stumbled across your site, I wish I had earlier. I don’t know if you have written about but I wanted to know how to find out about agency scams. I am visiting a girl in Odessa.
I was given the name of her agency in Odessa which was until a few days ago – an affiliate agency of the main one I was writing her on. “Terra de Amore” I can’t find this agency on the Internet and now I am a week away from meeting this lady. I asked the main agency for more info but they were not forthcoming which I felt was very strange.
There are a few things not adding up for me but I wondered if you had advice about marriage agencies and what to look out for when men go and meet a girl and interact with the agency? I have spoken with her a number of occasions via video chat and with the aid of a translator through the main site. My main communication is via letters through the agency main site.
I did buy her details from the site – phone number and email address. Over some time I have sent her messages to her email in translated Russian and received some emails back from her time to time in Russian. I have sent a lot of SMS messages to her phone often just little smileys and things but she never returns these and responds to any SMS message.
After talking to her trough video chat I finally decided to visit her now in Odessa – I told her this a few weeks ago via video chat and she seems happy at this. In this last week she sent me a letter explaining to me that she now wanted to take her profile off the site and only wanted to build relations with me – this all sounded good to me but I was unsure what this would mean in terms of translations and out meeting.
I asked the main agency what they thought of all this and they told me that the agency my lady belongs to in Odessa – they did not want to work with anymore. This seemed to conflict to the letters I was receiving from my lady who was telling me she simply did not want to make new friends or talk to other men. I went on to further question how we are going to meet when I am in Odessa and should I arrange a translator, the answer back from the main agency and my lady was that my lady was going to find a translator for us.
I questioned the main agency what was the name of the agency my lady belongs to in Odessa – they gave me Terra de Amore which I could not find anywhere on the internet. I feel like I am possibly being set up with a professional daters, as you can see my lady is either not telling me the full truth about her still belonging to another agency or she maybe just quite innocent in this and is actually leaving that local agency to – it’s just that she does not mention any of this to me.
I have always dealt with the main agency and had a sense of some honesty from them but now they are not going to be involved with my meeting, I feel somewhat nervous about this. I asked further about how we would meet and that I found a translator for us but it seems my lady has found a translator – I was given no details.
Another thing that was quite strange but I did not follow it up at the time, a few weeks ago after telling my lady and agency I was coming to see her, I asked the main agency for the contact details of the agency or affiliate in Odessa who at that time I knew my lady would be working with -to my shock I was given the email address of my lady….
I questioned this and 5 minutes later another email address was produced that was only slightly different – neither email addresses look like a business email and more like a random average email name with some numbers I am now suspecting they quickly made up another email address to give to me and explained it away as a mistake.
The more I write about this the more I am thinking this all sounds too much for me and that I might indeed be meeting a professional dater. I have been writing this girl for about two years so I feel rather emotionally attached to her, even my letters were quite warm and close – her replies via letters were or seem similar.
I am now trying to decide whether I should actually meet this girl next week – I have paid for my flights and accommodation in Odessa (independently) so I have some control. I feel a little foolish in that I wished I had pushed to get my ladies home address and had tried sending her something that would have gone a long way to proving who she is. So far next week, I am meeting my lady and some other girl who is a translator – I don’t know who she is.
I guess my question to you would be how should I handle this? Should I not pay for everything – refuse to go to expensive restaurants try to limit time with them? The only way I can think of is asking her to spend time with me alone without a translator – if she wants to it would certainly make me feel better about the situation.
Anyway thank you for your comment in advance!
thank you very much for your message. I’ll give my best to answer your questions in details.
To your questions:
Question 1: There are a few things not adding up for me but I wondered if you had advice about marriage agencies and what to look out for when men go and meet a girl and interact with the agency?
Usually, marriage and matchmaking agencies do not give any detailed information (contact data, skype, etc.) on their women because they wish surely that men contact, date and meet women only via agencies (you are good customers with much money to pay!). Have you read their terms and conditions? Have you found information on asking for more information on your woman?
It is really complicated to give you a general advice in dealing with marriage agencies in Ukraine. I would say that there are both real and trustworthy Ukrainian marriage and matchmaking agencies as well as scams. The best way is to get the personal contact data (phone numbers, email address or Facebook/VK.com profile) of the Ukrainian women as soon as possible to remove any marriage / dating agency or site from your communications.
In my opinion, this best technique you are protected from untrustworthy Ukrainian and Russian marriage and matchmaking agencies that want to make their money off your correspondence and will be certain to correspond with the lady not with a hired author. My advice to you is do not use the marriage agency or dating site that does not allow their customer to have a direct contact with women. It is not serious, as for me. As for me, if you have a direct contact to the woman, you have a good chance to find out if your woman has serious intentions or not.
The agencies are observant and they always depend on the kind of correspondence they have with the men… it depends with the owner of the agency. Some can have really bad influence while others are known to encourage the women to write letters to the candidates even when they know so well that the client is genuinely not interested.
Question 2: Should I not pay for everything – refuse to go to expensive restaurants try to limit time with them?
About paying for every expense… In the West, it is considered that paying for the first date is gallant, but paying for every date is absurd. The dating culture in Ukraine and Russia is completely different. Paying for almost everything while on dates is a basic of Ukrainian and Russian dating.
This aspect of the Ukrainian and Russian culture might look spammy in the Western world. It is a special feature of our mentality which is, as you know, quite conservative. Russian and Ukrainian women have been raised to expect a male to pay for all dates and expenses related to the relationship. A man who refuses to, or isn’t capable of paying for dates is seen as being unattractive and less masculine than man who happily pay for the expenses. So the answer is to pay!
Ckeck my video for more information:
I would recommend you to read following articles on this issue:
- Should Western men always pay for Ukrainian & Russian ladies?
- The Ukrainian dating dilemma: to pay or not to pay for women from Ukraine?
From my experience, I can say you that standard first dates in Russia and Ukraine are much more formal than the first date commonly found in the United States, Australia or another Western country (also in Germany where I live). So as you see, paying for every expense (restaurant, taxi, etc.) is a basic of Ukrainian dating.
However, if the woman says you that she expects you to pay for her shopping (for example, a mink coat for $1,500 or she says you to send her $150 for English courses each month), it is a red sign for scamming.
I hope I could help you!Questions? Feel free to ask Krystyna, your Ukrainian dating expert 🙂 (s. here: Contact Krystyna)