We Don’t Understand Each Other: Non-Verbal Cues

by Krystyna · February 3, 2020

Editor: Krystyna, founder of Ukrainian Dating Blog & Ukrainian Dating Stories and speaker at the iDate conference. On this blog she shares her knowledge and experiences with international dating and intercultural relationship. Read more

Editor: Krystyna, passionate dating blogger, speaker and author read more

Dear friends,

It’s difficult enough for men and women of the same cultural backgrounds to understand one another. Throw in another culture and even when you understand the words, you’ll both feel like you missed something. Why? Because 65% of conversation is non-verbal. This includes gestures, the way something is said and even when something’s not said. If you don’t know the non-verbals of the other culture, you’ll be lost.

Contents

1 Non-Verbal Communication

2 What This Means for You

Non-Verbal Communication

In Ukraine, when a woman smiles at a man, it means she’s interested in him sexually. She can insist she’s not interested, but if she’s smiling, it indicates she is. If that same girl smiles at a Ukrainian woman, she’s indicating she thinks that woman is silly in the head. It’s all in the non-verbals.

In Ukraine and Russia, politeness is essential

Important A Ukrainian woman won’t outright refuse to do something, even if they have no intention of doing it

That means if you ask a Ukrainian or Russian girl to lunch on Saturday and she tells you it’s her mother’s birthday, she’s telling you she won’t be there, end of story. She might even agree when you suggest she could show up earlier or later. She still won’t show. Family trumps a date. If you don’t know that, you could wait for hours. Meanwhile, she’ll have thought you understood her dilemma.

What This Means for You

Non-verbal cues are important. They can lead to better understanding so you can reach a compromise. They can also avoid a fight. For instance, you could suggest to the Ukrainian and Russian girl that you go to lunch another day.

By learning what the non-verbals are, you’ll have an easier time solving problems in your relationship. You can also understand her expectations better. This may mean paying close attention and asking for clarification.

James says:
February 4, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Hello My Dear,
I am interested in this wonderful woman who is Russian, however, has lived in Ukraine since she was 7, she is now 44. She is a true beauty…We met in Kiev a few weeks ago, I am from the US… we have talked for over three months on skype. I am considering bringing her to the US with marriage in mind…Can you write me and give me your opinion on how I can understand her better, not in words, but in culture.
Reply
- Krystyna says:
  February 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm
  Dear James,
  that’s a little hard to tell you in just a few sentences what is the Ukrainian culture. I advise you to go to Ukraine for a while (of course if it is possible) or you should read my blog.
  I try to write many interesting and helpful things about our culture and traditions on the Ukrainian Dating Blog. If you have specific questions, you can contact me. I’ll help you, of course.
  Krystyna 🙂
  Reply