I hope you are very well. A couple days ago I emailed a few matchmakers and online dating experts in the Ukrainin dating and marriage industry asking them one simple question:
“How to Succeed in the Ukraine Dating World?”
That was the question, these were the (sometimes very detailed) and helpful answers. Believe me, this question is not easy to answer. In theory, everything is possible: you register on the site, find the right woman after 3 days, exchanging 10 messages, going to Ukraine, having 3 dates… and finally, boom, enganged and married! In reality, Ukrainian dating is not easy. It might be frustrating, tough and expensive.
I would like to say many thanks to all who have participated and found time to write their expert tip for you.
TIP #1: The most important is to have a plan
Sergey Sokolov, the co-founder and manager of the UFMA agency (Ukrainian Fiancee Marriage Agency, ukrainianfiancee.com):
Based on the 12 year experience in dating sphere, I can say that the most important in the search for a woman is to have a plan and to be persistent in it.
And for this I have two main advices:
Have a clear picture of what woman exactly you are looking for:
the age, the looks, the inner qualities, the character, what she will do for you to make you happy, children (her or your future ones). Write down your thoughts on each of these points. Make an image of the perfect woman for you to clarify who you are looking for, write at least 10-15 points. As if you don’t know who you are looking for, how will you find her?
Understand for yourself, what kind of search plan you CAN AFFORD
And main resources here are time and money. How long do you want to search and choose? How much money can you spend on this? How do you see the plan of the search and building the relationships? Answer these questions for yourself, so again this search will not be just “chasing your tail”.
TIP #2: Be serious in dating process!
Elena Sosnovskaya, a certified coach and matchmaker, owner of dating agency in Ukraine megalove.com.ua:
Unfortunately, only about 10% of all meetings were successful and transformed into marriage and long-lasting relations. So – why 90% of all men who come to Ukraine to meet their future wife – are not successful?
What is the reason? I think personally – they are not taking this process seriously, and search of a wife looks for them like “playing a game”.
I am sure – that all we have in our life – is the result of our actions, goals and believes. Taking responsibility for every step we make- we can gain success in business, relations, personal life. What I mean when I talk about responsibility? You should have a precise and strict strategy – how, where and why you should find a wife in Ukraine.
Never be emotional, search of a wife is a project, is a strategy, where you count all your mistakes, risks, opportunities and possibilities. I would recommend you to make a personal SWOT analysis, if you start looking for Ukrainian bride. You should understand your strong and weak sides, opportunities and threats, and only after this you can see if you really have chances and motivation, is it worth to invest your time and money in project called “Ukrainian wife”. After you identified what qualities of you will be attractive and what can be unattractive- you can see what you need to change in yourself to gain success.
What is your real goal?
Another tool I like to use when somebody tells he wants a wife from Ukraine – it is GROW model from life coaching (Goal-Reality-Options-Will). At first – your real Goal. Why do you need a Ukrainian wife? What will happen when you will find her?
How your life will be changed, after you will meet her? Are you really sure you want her? If you will never meet a wife from Ukraine – what will happen in your life? Defining your real goal- you will understand if it is really important for you. You will feel – do you really have motivation move forward, spend time, money, and resources for search? It is very important to have a strong wish – lets say if we have a scale from 0 to 10, your intention to find a wife in Ukraine should be more then 7, about 8 or even 9.
In such case – it is your real goal. If you have intention on 4-5 points, it is better not to waste resources and solve more important things in your life today) Because if you are not motivated for search, you will spend money for chatting, texting, skype with all these Ladies from dating sites, but will never come and see them, just because it is not of a high importance. Be honest with yourself, ask yourself every time- am I ready to change my life?
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Your real options or opportunities
After you have realised that you really want and ready to start your search – lets look to reality. What is happening now? If your methods working well? SWOT analysis will be helpful here. What you have already done in direction of Ukrainian wife search, if that worked out well?
Options, or opportunities – you can see what you could do better, then now? Can you try something new, can you change your search methods to gain success?
If you were looking on the dating sites and always just wasted money – what was your main mistake? Maybe you have chosen Ladies who are not of your type? Maybe you did not ask them true and direct questions – and was just chatting on general topics? Every man has his own history – what went wrong, but every man can make an analyse and choose the right way for him. All answers for all our questions- inside of us, we do not need advices, tutorials, another person – just listen yourself.
Your future depends on you!
And Will – the last one. What you will do with all your knowledge you have now? How you will change your actions and will get another result? We all know, that making the same actions every day – we will get the same result, only changing something – we can expect getting better and new result. Make a plan for yourself, write what qualities of a Lady are important for you, imagine her ideal, describe how your future life will be together.
Now look to Ladies you have in correspondence or going to meet – if they correspond to your parameters, did you investigated well your partner – before bought a ticket and fly to the meeting? Maybe you should search more precisely and consciously, your life depends on your actions.
TIP #3: Steps that help you to find a Ukrainian bride.
Keith Gordon, Founder/Owner ukrainebridesagency.com. Nominated for 2 Awards at both the 2016 and 2017 iDate Internet Dating Awards in Miami, USA, Ukraine Brides Agency won the supreme award for the Best Product Design at the 2016 ceremony.
You may be surprised to learn that there is a proven path to achieving success in the Ukraine Dating world. In our experience, if you follow these steps you are more likely to find your Ukraine bride.
Start with the end in mind
Before you join a Ukraine Dating site and start looking for that special Ukrainian lady, write down the key characteristics that you seek in her to achieve compatibility, love and happiness. These will include her age, her education, her occupation, whether she has children, her ability to speak English and her appearance.
It is true that Ukraine women are more liberal about age differences between men and women but only slightly. The chances of a 60-year-old man marrying a 28-year-old lady is close to zero. We find that 10-year age gap is acceptable for a lady under 30, a 15-year age gap for a lady under 35 and a 20-year age gap for ladies older than 35, but this is not common.
Understand her wants
Modern Ukrainian ladies join international dating sites to choose a foreign husband – that is correct, she chooses who she wants, if anyone. Yes, the man may be the only one paying the site fees to communicate but that does not mean he calls all the shots.
Understand her culture
You have seen many photos of beautiful Ukraine women and that may have been the impetus for you to seek a Ukrainian wife. Do some research and understand her culture and traditions. Ukrainian ladies make wonderful wives and mothers because of their strong family traditions, pride, loyalty and strength of character.
Find the best Dating site
There are many Ukraine Dating sites to choose from and you need to select wisely or you will waste your time and money. If you are attracted to sites whose name includes Hot or Sexy or whose photos are all provocative, then you are being lured and you have ignored our first two pieces of advice – start with the end in mind and be realistic.
Unfortunately, researching the feedback of dating sites through forums can be misleading. Many disreputable sites do their promotion by discrediting the other sites through forums and hiding behind nom de plumes. If a site has the features listed above, then they are likely genuine.
This is so important but is often neglected when registering on a site. If you are serious about finding that special Ukraine lady and you are going to pay money in your search, then why wouldn’t you create the most professional profile to attract the best women?
Write about yourself and the type of lady that you are looking for. If you appear a mystery, then only the curious ladies will contact you. A complete profile will save you from unnecessary information sharing through messaging, leading to possible rejection.
Many men complain that all the ladies profile photos on the site are professional and look fake. Ukraine women will post professional photos because they like to look their best all the time and they have tremendous competition from all the other ladies on the site. Read her profile and don’t just look at the photos.
Select 3 or 4 ladies who you think are perfect for you and start communication. You must have some video chats with ladies who you find attractive and whom you are considering placing on your shortlist. Video chat can show much more about a person than messaging and text chat and allow you to really get to know each other. Emotions, personal characteristics and expressions are so essential to each of us and is the next best thing to meeting in person.
First impressions are almost impossible to reverse and it is vital that your first meeting (and your second meeting) is a success. There are many simple things that you must do to make the first meeting a momentous occasion for you both:
Best wishes in your search!
TIP #4: Rules of successful Ukrainian dating by Mukha Svetlana
Svetlana Mukha, a CEO and leading matchmaker at diolli.com (acknowledged as the “Best Matchmaker” by Idate Awards):
I would like to highlight the crucial rules of international dating. If you really follow these 4 rules your chance to meet your best half in Ukraine will increase dramatically.
Rule #1: Be realistic!
Pretty often when people just find out about Ukraine, local ladies and international dating they have this cliché that every Ukrainian girl dreams about marring a much older gentleman and leaving the country. This is so not true!
If you search on YouTube you can find lots of “documentaries” showing gentlemen in their 50s or 60s dancing with hot Ukrainian girls in their early 20s. Media shows Ukraine as a country of brides where every male can get a hot bride really cheap and quickly. This is so far from the reality!
Rule #2: Know who you are!
Know who you are and where you stand and look for a lady that leads or wants to lead a similar life style and can be truly happy next to you.
Rule #3: Don’t search for a “perfect picture”
So often when gentlemen start using a dating site or an off-line dating service they start filtering the profiles by some “special” criteria. For example, they decide that their best half should be 172cm high, should have green eyes and blond hair. Her English should be perfect and she should love playing golf.
She should be 10 years younger and should play the piano. Of course she should be never married and match a very specific astrological sign. The chances that a lady like that truly exists are REALLY low. And even if she exists there is no guarantee that she will like you and fall in love with you. Perhaps she has never planned to move to Utah or she prefers meeting a doctor.
Rule #4: The importance of priorities
Not so long ago I have watched how one couple has ruined their relationship, because they both were pushing way too hard. After meeting in Ukraine they have decided to skype every day for 3-4 hours. It worked for the first week when the memories about their meeting were still fresh, but after 3 weeks of such intensive communication they got sick and tired of it.
Why did it happen? Because before meeting the gentleman the lady has really enjoyed her job, meeting her friends, studying English and planting the orchids. Now she had to spend most of her free time in skype. After the first week she was talking to the gentleman not because she wanted to, but because she had to.
As a conclusion I would like to remind our dear gentlemen, not to forget that ladies love attention. They need to feel that you are serious about them and they are a priority for you. If you have already met in person and you plan to meet her again don’t forget to send her flowers on her birthday, St. Valentines and sometimes just to brighten her day. Send her messages to ask how was her day and to give a compliment.
And don’t forget that after you have met in person for the first time and liked each other, you should plan the next meeting in 3 maximum 4 months, otherwise she can forget you or meet someone else.
TIP #5: Criteria which influence on your success in Dating
Naina Yusupova, owner, leading matchmaker and dating coach of matchmaking agency, marriage studio Realdatestudio.com, psychologist-counselor of interpersonal relationships and virtual communication, member of Ukrainian Union of Psychotherapists.
Be more realistic about yourself
All we are interested in how to become a successful person in the professional, social and of course in the private sphere. The world of online dating (online dating sites, matchmaking, coaches, dating agencies, etc.) indirectly helps us in our search of couple, but the main contribution into our relationship, we must and can do just by ourselves.
Dating Machine gives you range and variety but does not help you make a right choice once and forever to stop search on a single partner, but on the contrary encourage you for endless quest. This is the main goal of all offline and online dating resources, and you have to understand this clearly. Therefore, I consider any sites and portals of online dating could be used as additional help to find a partner, but a key of your success in dating is in your hands.
So, how to succeed in Ukrainian dating? What are the key criteria for success in online dating? In my experience of matchmaking and dating coaching as psychologist, I made some conclusions about successful search criteria and failures in search. So here they are.
The main reason for the failure to find your match is always in non-realistic criteria of search. It means that problem is in the lack of understanding of themselves, own desires, needs, potential and their harmonious correlation.
In the ideal case, it is advisable initially to work with a professional psychologist and possibly with a psychotherapist, and only then proceed to the conscious search for a partner online or in real life.
So here are 6 criteria which influence on our success in Dating:
6 criteria of how to succeed in Ukrainian dating
So what are they, the criteria for success in dating? Or rather it would be to ask what prevents us to implement our choice once and forever. We all know the saying “It is not the gay coat that makes the gentleman” or “Meet by clothes, see of by mind”.
In our case, it could be stated as, “Meet by inharmonious beliefs, see off due to unrealistic expectations” as we always appreciate others correlative to our own system of values, attitudes and beliefs, and always hard to part with them, thereby breaking up with people, values of which does not coincide with ours.
As for the help of dating sites, marriage agencies, matchmakers, etc., this assistance can be relevant only in the case of realism of your search criteria and a good understanding of yourself. As they say, if you want something to be well done do it yourself! First of all, self yourself and only then accept help of Dating Machine if you really need it!
TIP #6: Advices from Matchmaker Katerina ELbahey
Katerina ELbahey – Founder/Owner of Katesmodels.com and Brides-hunter.com (all about Ukrainian Brides blog), a leading Matchmaker and practical psychologist.
Krystyna, thank you very much for your participation in the discussion of such interesting topics as how to succeed in the Ukrainian dating world.
A lot of valuable advice from excellent matchmakers is written above and I hope that my experience will be useful for the readers as well. I work in the marriage business for over 12 years.
Believe in yourself
The most important thing is to believe in yourself and in the success of the venture. In any case, whatever you are doing, a business, creation of your family, education or sport, if you apply a little effort the result will be negligible, but if you exert every effort you will have the best result.
The seriousness of a man
Then, the seriousness of a man. Many men think that they want to get married, but in fact, they do not know what they want.
Men often accuse women of lack of seriousness but actually, about 75% of men who come to the Matchmaking agencies are not serious themselves! You should decide for yourself first of all, how much you need a marriage or a relationship with a lady from abroad.
If you cannot define or are not ready for a serious relationship why contact the Matchmaking agency? There are many dating sites where you can just flirt and do not fool girls.
Using Matchmaking agency
If you decided to use the service of Matchmaking agency then you need to understand the seriousness of the whole process, and it is:
For example, Ukrainian girl should understand that the man is ready “to win” her and ready to take care of her! Think of Ukrainian girls as a little princess (in a good way), and if she understands that with you she could feel protected, then your success is guaranteed. For this, a man must be quite sure of himself.
First of all, it is the desire to understand another person. One should try to engage in his or her interests, position in life, etc. One should strive to take the person as it is and not to change him or her. One should treat disadvantages of the second half with sympathy rather than condemnation. One should be able to forgive and be ready to support in any situation. I think that this is the foundation of a stable and successful relationship.
If you take into account my own experience, most of the couples (about 95%) could build relationships because the man had serious intentions, and did not step back from his target. The man tried to do everything to ensure that the girl could feel secure with him.
In a good matchmaking agency, almost all girls are set for a serious relationship! We, the managers of such agencies, are constantly working with them and we are not interested in the fact that she had no desire to get married. Therefore, it is the most likely to meet a girl for marriage in a matchmaking agency rather than dating agency.
TIP #7: Ask yourself what do you really want?
Mila Lobunko, a Dating Translator and Interpreter, Advisor, Kharkov guide and English, Russian and Ukrainian tearcher. Founder of mila-interpreter.com
During the past 10 years, I have been helping hundreds of clients, from all the over the world, with finding a wife in Ukraine. The clients who were successful generally followed these guidelines
Ask yourself why you want to find a wife.
You have got to be honest with yourself here (and the women you meet). There are many valid reasons, of course, but you have to remember that in Ukraine most women under 35, if they already do not have their own children, will be hoping to start a family with the person they marry.
Are you ready for this? If not, when you meet the women on a date, the women who are serious about you and not scammers just looking for gifts and entertainment, will ask you if you want to have children with them and will be able to tell quite easily if you are telling the truth or not.
Ask yourself why you want to find a woman from Ukraine.
Again, this is a question women frequently ask on dates. So, if you want to be prepared, it would be better to try to ask yourself this question before someone else asks you so that you can give a more thoughtful and intelligent answer. How a man answers this question reveals a lot about him.
Be realistic in your expectations.
Having a firm grasp of realty helps you to avoid much disappointment and heartache in life. If you are from a wealthy country, young, good-looking, intelligent, well-educated, well-dressed, financially successful, love children, animals, and nature, and have a great personality, then you are a perfect 10 and the sky is your limit – most women you meet are highly likely to want a relationship with you.
Learn as much as you can about the women you are meeting before your first dates.
Ask the dating/marriage agency or matchmaker you are using to tell you all they know about the woman you are meeting so that you can ask some intelligent questions about her life and show your date that you are genuinely interested in her.
Come to your dates clean, well-shaven, and well-dressed.
Ukrainian people pay a lot of attention to appearance. Any Ukrainian woman you meet on a date will have spent a great deal of time (and possibly money) to make herself look as nice as possible for your meeting with her. The least you can do to repay her and to show respect for her is to prepare yourself as though you were going to an interview for an office job rather than showing up wearing old jeans and a t-shirt from your college days.
Bring flowers and possibly a little present to all of your first dates.
Flowers are very important in Ukraine. For your first date, you do not want to bring red roses because it is hard to be in love when you do not really know the other person. Also, remember that even numbers are considered unlucky when it comes to flowers, so, for example, you should never give a dozen of them as a gift.
Act like a gentleman before, during, and after your dates
What does this mean? This includes but is not limited to the following nice gestures:
I hope that these tips will help you to find the woman of your dreams! Good luck!