Dear friends,
many Western men share their negative Ukrainian and Russian dating experiences, in which ignorance of the mother’s role in Russian and Ukrainian families leads to the end of a relationship or even worse a marriage.
The men tell about that the mother of his Ukrainian mail order bride does not wish often that her daughter goes to the Western country. Moreover, it seems that the mothers make their decision based on some facts talking about foreigners and their bad behaviors towards Ukrainian women for marriage.
In my today’s article, I try to explain the role of mothers in Russian and Ukrainian dating and give some tips how to win the heart of a Russian and Ukrainian “mamochka“.
The role of mothers
Western culture is very different from that of Russia and Ukraine in so many ways, and dating is no exception.
Here the man has to worry about the father and deal with a potentially overbearing mother in law when they get married. In Russia and Ukraine, the girl’s mother decides if the man is worthy of her daughter.
Learning how to deal with "mamochkas"
Here in the West, women usually have to deal with a difficult mother in law, since there are so few moms who think anyone is good enough for their son.
In my experience, every mother wants is for her children to be well cared for and cared about. The cultures are not completely different in the aspect of what a parent wants for their child, but the difficulties arise when the family sees you as an interloper trying to take a member of their clan to a far away land where they can’t keep an eye on how they are doing.
TOP5 tips how to win the heart of each Slavic mother:
- Winning over the family can be as easy as making sure they know you have only the best of intentions and want the best for them as well as their daughter. If they do approve of you they will treat you as family and be every bit as protective of you as of the other members.
- Treat their daughter and her mother with the utmost respect when dating to mean your intentions very clear. Getting brownie points by bringing gifts and trying too hard won’t work, since most moms can see right through that type of thing.
- Be yourself and let them decide if you are good enough for their daughter. A mother can tell when someone is trying too hard and it will make them suspicious right away of your motives.
- While your income may play a part in their acceptance of you, they will want to be sure their daughter will be well looked after and be allowed to come and go as she pleases.
- Keep in mind they see a lot of negative news and television about how we live here in America and it can influence what they think of you before they even meet you.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I want to say that not every mother in Ukraine and Russia thinks bad about foreigners and their “bad” behavior towards Ukrainian and Russian mail order brides.
There are a lot of women who are open and friendly towards Western men and know that their daughters can become happy with a Western guy.
I am an American woman dating a russian man. we’ve been together for 4 1/2 years and have a 2 yrs old. his aunt (who raised him since 9) appears to hate me. he tells me that is not hate, more of a culture, mentality thing and that if I prove to her and build trust that things will work out.
I have tried asking him many times what will earn her trust and give proof… he mostly tells me he doesn’t want to get involved and how he feels like we both are pulling him and getting him in the middle which he hates or will only say “actions speak louder than words” lately he has also told me that I need to learn their culture. so the few times I’ve looked it up and tried to discuss, I get told “you only research what you want” so I say “well, then help me and tell me what I should be researching?!” apparently asking for help means I don’t care cause if I really did I would find it but when I look, it’s only what I want to hear…” lose-lose for me.
he and his family only focus on certain aspects of progressing onself, criticizing everyone-rarely if ever giving a compliment, poor communication due to unspoken expectations; pride, ego, challenging nature and untrusting/doubting emotions. although they are successful, intelligent, driven, dutiful, and the family bond is expressive strong, they (my bf being better but only with tons of work) lack an emotional intelligence which severely lacks the ability to empathize. it is there way or no way.
I love a good challenge which is part of their allure, however, I have struggled coping and building a relationship with his “mother” no matter what I do, say, think. I have no clue what to research about russian culture (in regards to mother-in-law) for anything thus far is one sided to him. so anyone have any insight or direction, links, I can read to break through his family’s barrier, or should I politely converse with her about how it’s inappropriate to tell him/i/us how to live life, demean and criticize me behind my back/and reversely attack me when it’s just her and I.
or from now on she only discusses his and I family when both of us are present. I feel like she intentionally does this to persuade him of my shortcomings, and with me to intimidate and test me about how I deal and whether or not I tell my bf what she said afterwords…which btw is something I broke (her trust) bu telling him about our first arguement and how if I earn her trust it’s by not telling him our private conversations..
so I I tell him and she discovers my betray I fail… but if I don’t say anything then she can, and often has gone I told him what he discussed, however, she skews me always negativitly and she of course never once committed any mistakes….so fail. either way I lose…she set me up for failure.mm so how can I ever pass the test?
besides, I don’t believe hiding many conversations from my love, I feel like that is a betrayal to us. also I am terrible woman because I chose to selfishly stay at home for the first coupletter of years of her granddaughters life..apparently I should have been working all the time. she sees it as a sacrifice for the family…which I see and respect, however, no one once asked why I would rather sacrifice more money and adult interaction to raise my children.
if they truly asked and listened, they would see that I am making a sacrifice for the betterment of them, for I feel like many of the issues with American society is the lack of quality time with kids, raising strong morals, values with love that cannot be fully provided in daycare. they can complain about how selfish, greedy, spoiled we Americans are, but I feel staying at home is the opposite of all those things…
kids want their parents…not gifts, want time and attention, not daycare. I wish they could see and respect that even if they disagree but I get put down and told I should be working, should do this, that etc. really got my hands full on this one.
if you got this far, thanks for reading:)