Dear friends,
Today I would like to discuss an important issue in the (Ukrainian and not only) online dating world, namely: the first online dating messages. Almost every man, who looks online for a Ukrainian woman for marriage, has experienced the following: he looks through hundreds of Ukrainian brides’ profiles on AnastasiaDate.com or LoveMe.com with hope to find a woman for life. After a long search, he finds a woman who seems to be someone special and writes her the first message. And … the man waits and waits, and waits for her response. However, the response never comes. Why?
How to write the first online dating message?
I keep getting emails from my readers who ask me why the girls do not reply to their very first messages. This makes many men very frustrated and desperate.
Having thought about these mails and this issue, I wanted to experiment a little and find out why Ukrainian women do not want to give a reply to the messages of some Western gentlemen. What did I do in order to find the answer to this question? I registered on an International dating site (incidentally, the service of this dating site is completely free for women; men must pay, however). I had to fill out the entire profile and upload my pictures. This process took about an hour. But I guess, it is not bad because only after the profile was completed and submitted, the men could view it. Thus, they could get the first impression of me.
Messages that kill a wish of all Ukrainian women!
I didn’d need to wait for a long time until I got the first messages from single Western men looking for Ukrainian women. At that point, I understood why Ukrainian women for marriage do not reply to some men.
Here, I would like to present the three messages which kill a wish of all Ukrainian women to reply to Western man:
Message #1: the message is missing (no words, no questions, no sentences)
Instead, the men only send different emoticons to the women and hope that they get an informative response about the woman’s life, her hobbies and dreams back. I’m sorry but I have to disappoint you, dear gentlemen. I registered about 1 week ago on this dating site and I got about 20 “emoticon” messages. You can imagine that I was not very happy about those messages and had no wish to write back. I am sure that most Ukrainian and Russian women have the same opinion as mine.
I want to believe that Ukrainian women as well as Western men, who register on dating sites, do have serious intentions and do not want to have kindergarten games going on.
Message #2: “Hello!”
As for me, this message is not creative, informative and trustworthy. I have responded to such messages with “hello”, as well. But I did not have a good feeling about the whole “communication” because I thought that the man did not make any effort to write to the woman a couple of nice and interesting sentences. Dear gentlemen, you need only a few minutes in order to write 2-3 sentences for your very first message to the woman who caught your eye (e.g. tell her why of all the women in the dating site you write her, why you like her profile, why you like to communicate with her, etc.).
Message #3: “You are so beautiful, amazing, sexy, adorable…”
Us, the Ukrainian women, we love compliments. But … there is a certain line which allows you to say these compliments regarding physical aspets of the woman. That means that your communication is constantly developing and you reach a certain degree of privacy and intimacy. This is a proved fact that more general compliments work better in online dating life. So use the following words “nice, awesome, fascinating” in your first message to the woman.
Useful tips to write your first mail
Finally, I give you some useful tips what to write in your first mail:
- Use an unusual greeting (“Hello” is not a nice and effective beginning of the mail. Instead, use “Privet” (“Hello” in Russian) or “Kak dela?” (“How’s it going?”))
- Be sure to really have read the profile of the woman
- Show the woman your true level of interest to get know her better
- Tell her about specific things that interest you – it will makes her find out which common interests and similarities you two possibly have
Meet Krystyna, an esteemed international dating expert, blogger, and the founder of Ukrainian Dating Blog. With over 1000 articles published in English and German, she specializes in cross-cultural relationships, prevalent dating topics, and tackling romance scams.
Krystyna,
Aloha from Hawaii!
I know that you’re going to Kiev today(Friday, October 21, 2011) but I will respond to this article anyway.
Needless to say, I love what you have written. Alot of men, especially american men(but also other western men) loose all common sense when it comes to writing Russian and Ukrainian women. It’s almost as if men become ‘stuck on stupid’ and apply what they would do and say to American women/western women and try to apply the same methods of interaction/dating to Ukrainian women/russian women.
I was nearly laughing all the way through the article you wrote because it simply just goes to show that most men are trying to play polo on a horses back during a game of pickup basketball(smiling 🙂 )
In other words most american men are trying to apply deaf and dumb messages to women, whose intellectual perceptions are twice as sharp as that of most american women, and expect to have the best outcomes as a result.
It simply just makes common sense that if you’re wanting to write to a foreign women, who has no connection to your culture/race/religion/outlook on life, etc..etc.., then it simply makes common sense to do the opposite of how you would interact with american women. American women, for the most part, would respond to such winks and emoticons simply because, for the most part, american women(not 100% of them but perhaps 90% of them 🙂 ) american women have overpriced themselves in the market and they are simply trying to keep up there worth in a market that they think they have control over 🙂
Because of this very reason, I will never marry an american women 🙂
Of course, my attitude is that the whole world is my territory and I will simply pick what I want and dispose of all the rest; doing it with much respect of course.
Great article. I hope there’s a part two to this 🙂
Mahalo from Hawaii,
Hilton
Hello ALL gentlemen on ALL Ukrainian marriage dating sites. My name is Adam Black and you can correspond with me at [email protected] I want to talk to all of you about these sites. Are they scams or are they not scams. Well I am very sorry but I am not going to give you any joy here. I have been corresponding with Ukraine women since mid-2003. I have been there 3 times. Met 2 of the 3 women who I corresponded with. The first one was rather crazy (I mean really insane) and her local agency had lead me on all the way (even though Vika had become engaged at almost the exact same time that I asked her if I should come to meet her). It was NOT AnastasiaWEB (now Anastasiadate) who conducted the scam; but the local agency. THEY HAVE THEIR WAYS!!! It was several years before I visited Ukraine again. This time it was at the hands of a REAL SCAM site… my great friends (may they rot in hell) veronikaWEB. Now here is a real scam site. My advice to you… do not even go there. I was actually foolish enough to go back to that site several years after my full-blown scam visit to Moldova. Fortunately I stated corresponding with a fake profile of a very nice interpreter who worked for them (through information from my correspondence) tracked me down and warned me that I was involved in a total scam. She obvious spoke English and we actually corresponded for 6 months, Skyped, video chat (everything) so I can guarantee that veronikaWEB is a SCAM!!!! Now in 2010 I started using UAdreams website and I have corresponded with one girl there for almost two (2) years. I have not been in a financial position to go back to Ukraine to meet her yet. Yet she is very devoted and loyal to me. She is a real sweetheart. I have seen her many times on the WEBCAM links which show the offices. So I know she is real. I have seen many photos of her (she is a model). I have seen many videos of her talking to me directly (address me by name). I have had video chats with her. So she is real. But she has not promised me love and I understand that. She needs to meet me to know such an important thing. I hope that someday I will get a chance to meet her. GENTLEMEN!!! If I may be so bold to give you any advice… TRY THIS… Google ANY Russian dating, marriage or bride website and follow it with the word ‘SCAM’ and what you will find is that EVERY website is a scam. This is just not true, because it is just NOT POSSIBLE. For every website to be a scam!!!??? They cannot ALL be scammers. This is just love. This is just life. If you are expecting these beautiful women just to fall in love with you, just because you have corresponded with them and just because you visit them. YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF. They are mostly real girls looking for real love. It is not easy for them when they are in their 20’s and they get 50 year old men corresponding with them and visiting them hoping that the girl will just agree to marry them. So if you are going try your luck (and that is exactly what you need…. LUCK!!!) then you really need to chill. Correspond with women from a site that has WEBCAMS of their offices, provide real live VIDEO CHATS. Get the girl to talk directly to you. But DO NOT go there with some delusional dream and expectation of guaranteed love and marriage. You will be disappointed (I CAN guarantee that). These women are NOT desperate. They ARE very romantic, therefore very big dreamers. And if you allow yourself you CAN get totally caught-up in their romantic dreams and expectations. They WILL call you half way around the world for a date (YES!!!!… A DATE). They do not care about how much money it costs you. Firstly because you are a Western man and they really do think that Western men are Demy Gods of money. What they do not understand is that we are also Demy Gods of DEBUT. So my final advice to you is… “go there with your expectation in check. Go there for a holiday, with the opportunity to meet some of the most beautiful, innocent, kind, loving, shy girls in the world. I promise you; if you go there with a light heart and no expectations of finding guaranteed love you will enjoy yourself a lot more. Then maybe (just maybe) one of these girls will see your good side and actually fall in love with you (for real)”. So what do you think? It is your decision!!! Take Care and I wish you all luck, love and happiness. Sincerely Adam Black
Adam,
I’ve read your warning with some amusement…
You should have dug a little bit deeper and found mordinson.com because they are totally legit.
Personally, I would never correspond with any women for more than a few months before seeing her and even that is a stretch because having ZERO chemistry, once you meet, will whipe out all that writing time.
What I will do is have Mordinson hook me up with women who are wanting to get to know me better. I will correspond with them strictly from the point of view of trying to understand there personality, character, and what they really want in life. Then, once I shuw up in Kharkov, I will then put there writings to the test by seeing if what they have written matches there actions. If the two don’t match, then it’ll be easy for me to dismiss the women whose actions don’t follow there words.
I know you’re stretched to the max financially, which is why you haven’t visited this girl you’re corresponding with yet, but I would say that if you can you should at least check out Mordinson.com and see what they can do for you.
Mahalo from hawaii,
hilton
Some really nice and useful information on this web site
if you are so strapped financially, why in the world are you trying to meet a woman who lives on the other side of the world ? write letters for 2 years ? .. wow that sounds really romantic and all, but man it also seems like a colossal waste of time.
Hi,
thank you for your comment.
You are totally right. I’ve said many times that intercultural dating is not easy and might really tough. Writing 2 messages per year is not enough to start a relationship with a woman from another country. One meeting in person is much better and more effective than 1000 mails and phone calls. You should be aware of that once you have developed fixed correspondence with the lady the next natural step is going to Ukraine to meet the woman in person.
And being prepared for the intercultural dating is a MUST-HAVE. How to start and what to ask yourself: learn more in my article: https://ukrainiandatingblog.com/2012/01/three-fundamental-questions-ask-before-start-search-woman-ukraine/
Regards,
Krystyba
Hello guys I really hate to tell you! It’s not the sites it’s you your self. The girls on the sites are looking for a better life…. if we go on a date with them and feel betrayed well it’s not going to work it’s simple..
Question you need to ask are you looking for a fun time or a wife. If fun time go to a bar….
If a wife truly think what you want, then what do I as a man have to offer these are lessons I learn..
I have a amazing,smart and beautiful wife to be from a foreign country, have these bad thoughts crossed my mind of course. Do I run no that’s crazy it’s just you fear of a breaking heart telling you run. My advice look for the woman that you can afford after all she’s looking for a man that can provide right that’s why she’s here. As a man you should want to give that woman you want to be your wife everything you can make her feel like a queen. These sites have many woman on them they are all looking for a dream man like you are looking for a dream woman. As you see disappointment so do they….. you don’t see them crying about it on line though do you?
So start being men stop wasting your time crying about something silly and be a man show the special woman your serious take her had give her flowers buy her gifts show her she’s your hole world then maybe you will find the love your looking for… so you know I was a member of Anastasia I talked with a few girls there and finally chose one I went to see her in Ukraine, after one year I asked her to marry me)))) it was alout of work but it’s real 100 present. We are now planning are life and are wedding. She is my world, I have learned that woman abroad are a bit different then here in Canada.
Be patient have an open mind remember a woman has feelings to!! So good luck to every one out there be positive if something isn’t working dont always look for blame in other people sometimes blame is you yourself when you see this it’s simple learn from it , then change it….
Life’s short make it great))))))