many Western men looking for Russian and Ukrainian ladies for marriage are wondering if they should always pay for these women. Many readers ask me often why Ukrainian and Russian women accept the invitation as a tribute and do not offer to pay e.g. for meals at restaurants in return.
I receive this kind of questions from my readers:
Here is my story. I have met a lady on http://ussrstar.com/. Then I met her in real life, she didn’t speak English at all, so she got an interpreter for $20/ hour. So we met at the Simferopol airport, and there she was in real! Nothing could be said secretly to each other without being translated. This lasted for five days; she always met me each morning, near my hotel with the interpreter. She never came to see my hotel room. We spent the week this way. To make a long story short, this way what happened…
We were getting along together very well, I think. But, I had to pay for every expense for her and the interpreter! I need your advice please. Was I been scammed? I do think so.
By the way, I have her personal email! Do you think it can be serious this way?
I will tell you more, if you have questions. It will be my pleasure! Now we don’t write messages anymore on ussrstar.com to save money. Is that a credible story for you?
I’ll wait impatiently for your response! Thank you so much.
I can understand well that this aspect of the Ukrainian and Russian culture might look odd and spammy in the Western world. The explanation for this behavior of women from Ukraine and Russia is very simple, namely: it is a special feature of our mentality which is, as you know, quite conservative.
To pay or not to pay for a Ukrainian or Russian woman: Introduction
Every Western man who looks for a wife from Ukraine has heard of this intercultural difference, namely: Ukrainian and Russian women expect that Western men pay everywhere and for everything. From time to time, I get messages from my readers who ask me why Ukrainian women always expect to be invited by men. The answer is this is the special character feature of our culture and mentality.
It is not a serious problem for some men; however, there is a number of Western men who do not know how to deal with this problem and they just feel used.
Of course, I can understand these feelings of Western men because I’m familiar with the Western culture. The dating and relationship process runs very differently here than in Ukraine. And that’s normal because we have very different cultures.
The problem is that Western men who look for a Russian or/and Ukrainian woman for marriage learn too little about the culture, traditions as well as history of the home country of their future wife; therefore, they have some difficulties to understand what exactly Ukrainian women expect from them.
On the other hand, Ukrainian women often mistakenly assume that Western men are similar to their Ukrainian and Russian partners and expect the same things from Western men, which Ukrainian men give them in the relationship.
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Russian and Ukrainian culture is patriarchal
I have to say that the Russian and Ukrainian culture is extremely patriarchal. Russian and Ukrainian women have been raised to expect a male to pay for all dates and expenses related to the relationship.
For many Russian and Ukrainian women dating is a serious prospect. Be mindful of that fact when you approach a Russian / Ukrainian woman. Sure, you won’t be forced down an aisle or anything, but the entire energy of dating in the Russian and Ukrainian culture is future-minded. Remember that when dealing with your date and speaking about the future.
If you are meeting a Russian and Ukrainian woman on the internet it is likely you’ll be expected to pay for any traveling expenses she may incur during the relationship. Men are seen, in the Russian and Ukrainian culture, as the strong, breadwinner.
From my experience, I can say you that standard first dates in Russia and Ukraine are much more formal than the first date commonly found in the United States, Australia or another Western country (also in Germany where I live). So as you see, paying for every expense (restaurant, taxi, etc.) is a basic of Ukrainian dating.
However, if the woman says you that she expects you to pay for her shopping (for example, a mink coat for $1,500 or she says you to send her $150 for English courses each month), it is a red sign for scamming.
Two most important Ukrainian dating rules about paying
Here are the two basic and most important Ukrainian dating rules that every Western man has to know:
1) Ukrainian women are VERY DIFFERENT from Western Ladies:
Western women are very different from us when it comes to their dating behavior, namely: they prefer to pay themselves while dating men. American, English or German women are more independent and emancipated than Russian and Ukrainian women. For example, this is very common in Germany that women and men pay separately at restaurants, cinemas or cafes.
If I see that my man is ready to pay for me and wants to share with me what he has, it makes me happy and, of course, I want to share my finances with him in this case, too. What I want to say is that we can take turns to pay for things and it doesn’t have to be only him or me, who pays.
2) Ukrainian society is VERY TRADITIONAL:
The Ukrainian and Russian people still live in a traditional society, namely: the man is supposed to be the head of the family and he is the breadwinner. The woman’s role is being a good and caring wife, the mother and keeper of the family hearth.
Therefore, children in Ukraine and Russia are (still) brought up traditionally, too. Ukrainian girls learn from their mothers that men pay for them. On the other hand, they learn also that the family (their husbands and children) is the most important thing in life.
Ukrainian women think men should always pay for them, yes, they take it for granted. Sometimes, women do not say “thank you” to the man because they think the man pays anyways. That can hurt men because they think women are only after their money, which is not always true.
My tips how to deal with this Ukrainian dating issue:
In conclusion, I would like to give you some tips how to date a woman from Ukraine or Russia and deal with the “pay the date expenses” issues:
6 thoughts on “To pay or not to pay for Ukrainian women: Ukrainian Dating Dilemma”
Well, today(november 10th) is my birthday. I don’t really celebrate it because it’s just me and I don’t feel compelled or having a strong enough emotional or logical reason to celebrate my birthday.
In any case, I love the article about the differences between western and ukrainian women when it comes to dating.
I would imagine that the immediate adjustment, for american men, would be like taking your thumb and thumping it against someones head, when it comes time for real adjustment to how the women act in Ukraine when it comes to dating and marriage. It will also be a challenge for the women because once they leave Ukraine and move to america(especially to hawaii where over 80 separate cultures are always in contact with each other on a daily basis) the woman will have to adjust quite quickly. I’m certainly glad that the vast majority of Ukrainian women are highly intelligent and smart. That will go a longs way to adjusting to any environment; especially the one that exists here in hawaii…
Mahalo from hawaii 🙂
Happy Birthday to you!
I wish you a lot of luck and love!
P.S. An article about the most beautiful places in Kharkov is almost ready. I will publish it next week. The artikel is for you!
Thanks for the note and verbal birthday greeting 🙂
I look forward to reading the Kharkov article next week. I’m a student of ‘finding Ukraine love’ and have alot to learn. So you’ll be blamed, along with Michael Mordinson, for preparing me for the inevitable 🙂
Really, after reading all this tips, I more than happy to the chance of dating an Ukrainian girl. I’m a latino guy, with traditional views about family, and Ukrainian girls share the same values as me, even the issue about this. In our countries men pays everything for their women.
how is the acceptance of Latin Americans – Mexicans in Ukraine? How is the acceptance of that for Ukraine laidies? 🙂
Why does Kristyna write about “Dutch” in her article which seems to be about Germany? They speak German in Germany, not Dutch.